time flies when one is in between jobs

there goes thursday. soon the weekend will be over. and i will be starting with my new job. will i get a parking lot? *shucks*... the essentials one should ask for when at an interview :

1) must one come into the office everday?

2) will there be a parking lot alloted?

3) will it be a nice looking new laptop or an old chunky one?

4) will it be cold in the office?

5) will i have to wear a suit??? (horror of all horrors... actually, no 3 might be a bigger horror...)

too late. so, will just have to make the most out of the next 3 days. by doing N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

last day

after 4.75 years working in one company, contributing (and i am not going to be modest about it) a fair bit to its growth, putting in time and effort, and of course, learning alot (and i am thankful for that) from my ex-bosses... it is time to move on.

to greener pastures? that i am not sure. not sure if it's green. and according to a friend-client, not sure it there is a pasture on the other side of the fence! (so much for encouragement!!)

anyway, it felt very funny yesterday. when leaving the company, i felt so insignificant, so dispensable, so identity-less, so goal-less, so unwanted. despite having contributed (i think) significantly... thank goodness i have good dose of self esteem!! otherwise, i think it is not unlikely to sink into depression!

then i wonder, is that how all retirees feel? after having spoken to one would be retiree, i think it is really not wise to pour heart and soul into a job. why spend your prime earning so much money for other people? (again, the having my own business mantra) why not earn all that for yourself?? i suppose it's the risk-reward factor. whether one is willing to face the uncertainties, etc etc.

i sidetracked. i was saying i spoke to a would be retiree (and i think i should be speaking to more would be retirees to understand this further). and i hear alot of anger, frustration and worse of all, fear.

anger because the person was so committed to the job, contributed so much to the establishment, yet upon retirement the offer to extend on a contract basis was without fair compensation and with additional scope. anger because one has given his all, and yet, in the end, not only was not appreciated, but was to be taken advantage of, when possible!!!

frustration because there is little option out of the problem.

fear because of the uncertainty. uncertainty of what the future holds. where income will come from.

i think many of us do not see this. because we are at our prime. we are at the age where we are made to feel wanted and important. because of the effort and commitment the establishments require of us. and many of us succumb to the game. many fulfill these expectations and some, exceed these expectations. why? because we are trained to. from a very young age, we are trained to seek approval. and that is what we do day in-day out. even when it is clear we are doing a good job, just because our bosses do not seem happy with us, do not credit us, "do not pass the doggy treat", then we doubt ourselves, our ability, and feel sad or disappointed.

i think i should speak to more retirees. might motivate me to do the right thing. no matter how uncertain that might be at this moment. i believe it should result in more certainty in the future.

and another... canon in d

 

canon - wow...

 

canon in d (classical)

 

canon - still my fav

it's really not that difficult...

i have been speaking to a number of people over the past few weeks. this is because i am suppose to make a decision which would affect me quite significantly over the next two years.

i spoke to one who don't know me well, and don't know the background of the decision i am facing. this person gave examples of how he makes his decisions. which is to increase the probability of success in everything he does. he chooses the path which is most likely to work well. which may or may not be what the person wants to do most... (then again most people don't know what they want to do most!) and which may or may not end up a success.

then i spoke three who seem to have achieved alot for their age. both said they would have chosen money and exposure. one said "life is a journey".... not so much about the destination...

i spoke to one who know me pretty well. he asked if it is aligned to my eventual goals. if not, don't do it! why be distracted (?)...

i spoke to a very good friend who knows me, and who knows the details of the decision to be made. she said she fear for me should i decide to undertake the new journey.

then i went to a new age shop which sells new age book. i saw this book which says fear it, then do it anyway (!)

thanks to this decision, i had possibly the 8th or 9th headache in my life... SIGH... real case of itchy backside, looking for trouble when there were none...

however

the previous post was written in march 2007. now it is sept 2009. i am now working harder. somehow, work always finds me (sigh!)

anyway, i am now a "manager" working like a rep. "manager" is alot of work. so, now i understand why i hear stories of people wanting to stay as a rep. plus, there is always a feeling of being undervalued, taken for granted, etc...

i am no closer to owning my own business. which is of nobody's fault other than my own. as always, procrastination gets me nowhere.


so now, i am again, contemplating....

stumbled upon a draft!

i was just scrolling through the files in my external hdd, when i stumbled upon a draft posting for my blog.... so, here goes....

i was sitting down with some ex-colleagues many moons back… and conversation, inevitably, revolved around work. How the too-stupid-to-live clients could not provide the much needed information on time; how bosses couldn’t have been more demanding; how subordinates should never have applied for the job; how interpretation of the latest standard is such a bitch; how life will equal work for the next century or so…

and I thought to myself, how lucky I am to have moved out of the industry.

Sure, I can’t bitch about work like before (I suppose bitching about work and a lot of other people give one a sense of superiority and it might even feel like the job is so tough it provides job satisfaction!!)… not to mention not being able to climb the so ever glamourous corporate ladder; wear that office suit which lends an air of importance (really??!) - when we are really just feeling poor due to the super low pay and exploited due to the super long hours…

but now, I get to see the sun, I have time to meet up with friends at decent hours, I’m not always the last one to appear at a gathering, i have time for gym, for tennis, I’m more patient with my family members, I have time to read, I can just lie around and do nothing on a Sunday morning…

bliss… :)

let’s think about job prospects, higher pay, respect and recognition … another day. After all, I didn’t want a job where people will think “wah… so smart”… I wanted a job where people will think “lucky bitch… so much time for all that… no need to work ka???”, alternatively, “wah… so much marni one… somemore no need to work like dog”…

not quite there yet… but feels like I’m on the right track…

p/s : some people out there might not agree… well, that’s too bad. Live with it!

teoh beng hock

an innocent victim in the game of malaysian politics?

who is teoh beng hock?

“Such political games have caused the loss of life of a bright young idealistic DAP member,” said Lim, who is also Chief Minister of Penang. (http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/7/16/nation/20090716171346&sec=nation)

Teoh Lee Lan, 29, red-eyed and teary-voiced, was praying in Hokkien while gazing with sorrow as Teoh’s body, resting in a metal casket, was loaded by morgue attendants into the Nirvana Memorial hearse for his last ride home.

Older brother Teoh Beng Kee, 33, had to comfort a sobbing Soh Cher Wei, the ashen-faced girl who was to have been the blushing bride of the DAP political aide today.No comments or autopsy report was issued by morgue officials.

Earlier in the evening, Daniel Chong, assistant to Selangor state executive councillor Ronnie Liu, told The Malaysian Insider that he last spoke with Beng Hock on Wednesday, when they talked about Beng Hock’s plans to take up law studies.

The next day, he got a call informing him that the political secretary to DAP’s Ean Yong Hian Wah was found dead just outside the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission headquarters in Shah Alam.
http://www.malaysianbar.org.my/legal/general_news/teoh_beng_hock_begins_last_journey_home.html



http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/7/17/nation/4339811&sec=nation
"He said some people could not take the psychological pressure when being questioned and investigated."

Is there something wrong with the way investigations are being carried out? investigations should result in truth, not duress.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/7/16/nation/20090716171346&sec=nation
"Selangor exco’s aide falls to death"

falls to death?? what are we? retards???

"Since Tuesday, the MACC has raided the offices and service centres of several assemblymen, including Ean Yong and Kampung Tunku assemblyman Lau Weng San.
Others under investigation are Teresa Kok (Kinrara assemblyman), Elizabeth Wong (Bukit Lanjan), Dr Cheah Wing Yin (Damansara Utama), Edward Lee (Bukit Gasing) and Hannah Yeoh (Subang Jaya)."

"DAP secretary-general Lim Guan Eng said the MACC should stop its “political persecution” of Pakatan Rakyat members, especially DAP leaders and members, that does not serve the interest of fighting corruption."

i wonder who was the one who initiated this investigation? based on accusation raised by whom? based on accusation with what proof? does MACC thoroughly investigate all accusations??? if that is the case, i have some for them to investigate...

everybody has to remember that it is not a racial game. it is a political game. politician playing the racial card. remember 1969? it is also a political strategy to gain and keep power. it is only by playing the racial card, they can survive. we have to respect our fellow countrymen and save our beautiful country from the hands of evil retards...

attitude

10th July 2009 was truly a memorable day. so many things happened. not that i was suprised.

as i mentioned, there was this event in a sub-suburban hospital. and since i have agreed to help source for breakfast (as mentioned, there can be no event if there is no food... what no tea time??? that would be the biggest crime you can commit here in malaysia on government premises - if you challenge this statement, i dare you to name one government event where no food was served), i decided to call this lady whom i know makes nasi lemak - Kak R.

i told Kak R, i needed some kuih (cakes/ snacks). 60 pieces of curry puff, and perhaps another 2 type of kuih. so i asked her what type of kuih is she planning to make. she says "tengok dulu ler, kalau ada mood, kak akan buat" (let's see, if i have the mood, i'll make some).... what in the world made her think i would wait and see if she has the mood to supply?? and what if she decides she is not in the mood???!!!!

so i thought, fine. if she is not interested in the business, i should not force her. afterall her family members are probably quite comfortable making money in ways our government encourages.

so, i asked "Kak R ada buat mee siam kan?" (Kak R makes mee siam?)... she says yes. i asked if she has plastic fork (which can be purchased at any convenience store nearby, i'm sure). she said no!! but she has plastic spoon... so i asked if she thinks it would be a good idea to eat mee siam with plastic spoon? she says yes!!

o-m-g ... i could have vomitted blood at that point in time. i cannot tolerate such absurd level of laziness. complacency. lack of ambition.

so i said. i don't take mee siam with spoon. so, forget about the order. i will find something else.

so i did. then i was looking for drinks. i went to a very established (or so i thought) con-venience store, bought some drinks and asked the boys behind the counter if they sell paper cups. one of the boys (let's call him ahmad) behind the counter said no, the other boy (let's call him ali) looked around the store and said, there is only one stack of about 10 cups left. i asked if there are any more in the store room. without blinking an eye, they said no. this is in a store which is supposedly established, and sells drinks to walk in customers.

not one to give up so easily, i walked into another store. a branch of this "established" convenience store. i asked if they have plastic cups. fatimah, without blinking an eye, says no.

so i drove on, to an esso station. i walked into a brightly lit, well stocked "on the run" store. this is the station opposite IOI mall. i looked around and it was obvious, there were no paper cups for sale. i decided to try. so i asked ah chong sitting behind the counter. he says they do not have paper cups for sale. but he will ask his lady boss, ah lian. ah lian says, she does not have any cups for sale. but there are some cups which are used by customers buying coffee from the shop's dispenser. she offered to sell those to me. i was so happy! i took 20 cups from her. from now on, i will be buying from "on the run" opposite IOI mall.

that is the sort of attitude we are breeding. complacency.

think about it. why else would our currency be weakening compared to our neighbours? we are not competitive... therefore, not in demand. i will not be buying from Kak R even if hers is the last nasi lemak stall on earth. imagine that happening at a country level...?

chivalry

chivalry... is dead (well, pretty close to being dead)

on the morning of 10th of July 2009, there was an event in a hospital in the sub-suburban-countryside kinda place.

i was dubbed into buying breakfast (there can be no event if there is no food), by my not-exactly-mensa-material-principal whose name i shall endeavor not to reveal.

so there i was, carrying a couple of bags of food and drinks, when one of the lab staff walked past. he said "wah! banyaknya benda" (wah! so many things) without any intention what so ever to help. "untuk mana tu?" (for which place - as he has to determine if he will have a share)

i tot chivalry is dead.

then i went downstairs again to help my colleage carry some boxes upstairs. i walked up to the lab and was confronted with a closed door. out of nowhere a voice said "need some help?" and he promptly took some boxes from me and opened the door. thank u to dr k. that was the upside of the day... knowing that such people do exist in malaysia - the country trying to appear progressive, but with degenerating values and definitely less than third world attitude.

to prove a point

in my previous jobs, i liked the nature of the job. i just don't feel it is worthwhile slogging my life away, working late, working weekends, working the prime years away.

then, inspired by a friend's dad who said "getting vss was the best thing that has ever happened.... and wished it happened earlier".... i thought, that's true! why work for another person when you are at your prime? when you are most energetic? when you have the drive? when you are testing your limits?

also, i like the idea of growing a business. having ideas implemented and seeing how those ideas make magic. growing from a sole proprietor to a conglomerate! (yea yea, big dreams....i know, but one can dream...)

so i found out, that growing from small business to big business is not easy. may not always be a good idea. one thing is for sure. if you wanna grow, you have got to grow it fast! can't stay medium for too long. why? because there are people who would like to work for small companies. then there are people who like to work for big companies. there are people who like to work for medium size, fast growing companies. but there are none who like to work in medium size companies which are planning to stay medium forever (unless you are the boss, coz then you have no choice!).

it's all exciting, growing... making more money. but is it yours? well, you are paid to do the work. yes, but one can work only within working hours. one do not have to go that extra mile. why go that extra mile? one can do whatever one is expected to do. why do all the extra?

for the excitement of seeing this endeavor grow. because it is not your nature to sit tight and do just "what's necessary"?

but at certain points, it doesn't look like it's going to happen. everything seems stagnant. push on? but is it worth the effort? no doubt on ability to do it. (so "modest".... sigh)

maybe it's time to move on. to just earn more money. rather than grow something.

if i wanna grow something, maybe i'll just try planting another cactus. this time, give less tlc. promise not to water it to death. maybe i'll get a cactus farm! recreate a desert landscape!!! (yea yea, big dreams....i know, but one can dream...)

or maybe i'll take advise. start small. make sure it's doable. start with a taugeh farm?


see? not fickle. just analytical.

fickle

fickle minded, am i?

i suppose i am in some situations, like what to eat?? mainly because i am not particular and would like to ensure it is something other people in my company would also enjoy.

in other situations, it is merely because i verbally express my thoughts as i make my decisions. i suppose then i would seem fickle, as we all would go through the pros and cons of all options before deciding on one.

then again, i would like to ask, do you always know what you want?

also most times, decision is easier said than done, made than executed.... sigh*

rat race.... let's take another look

a few years back, i was running up the many flights of stairs, together with many others, up a building where we have all heard of cheeseland...

at every level there is an exit... to the unknown. and one day, i decided to have a peek.

well, it has been four and a half years since that peek. i have learnt alot from all that has happened. no regrets whatsoever.

however, i have also learnt why so many run up the stairs. it is for the certainty. the certainty that you are going somewhere. as oppose to being in one place for a long long time. with no certainty that we would get anywhere. even if there is no doubt on capability. limited by current "dimensions".

so, let's relook at climbing those stairs. looking for ladders. looking at options.

if i were a boy...

it's funny how... (actually not very funny how... )

a guy is opinionated/firm, and a girl is bitchy/ stubborn

a guy is hardworking, and a girl "must be sleeping with the boss"

a guy is aggressive, and a girl is bitchy (again)

and it's sad how this perspective is perpetuated by mostly women, and some men.


how shallow, narrow minded, petty and insecure is that?

is it meant to be?

hmm... what should i have for dinner tonight? .... maybe fishball noodles. i drove there, and behold!! a parking spot right in front of the shop!! i am meant to be eating fishball noodles tonight!!

have you heard of stories where people who are not very ambitious and not very smart make it good in life. and the story was, they were lucky! somebody approached them, they happen to be at the right place, at the right time!

the chinese also have a saying.. if it's yours, it'll be yours... if it's not yours, it will never be yours...

what do you think? is it true? if it is full of obstacles, then maybe it's not meant to be? that things should never be that difficult? that if it is difficult, then maybe it's not meant to be?

if something is meant to happen, does it mean everything will just fall into place?

if it's not meant to be, and you fight for it, will it succeed for a short while, then fall apart again because it was not meant to be?

is this considered as leading you to the answer? :) ... ok, i shall stop leading you. what do you think? is there such thing as fate and is it pointless to fight it? ... that's leading again!!

do you believe that somethings are meant to be, and some things are not?

have we forgotten again?

have we forgotten (again)? the people who fought for us? our rights? our country? the people who fought for transparency? for fairness? the people who wants the country to heal and be the competitive, progressive country it can be if not for mismanagement?

where are they? they are behind bars... suffering... forgotten...

who would fight for us again? if we forget so easily, the people who are brave enough to come forth with the truth...

why are we not asking the right questions? sometimes, it takes a little bit of pressure from everybody to make things work. do we not owe these people that (at least)?


just ask one question : "what happened to him? the one who fought? why is he behind bars whilst the crooks run free?"



our apathy is sickening.

win-win

unfortunately, not many ppl are aware of the win-win concept. you win, i win, everybody's happy.

Some ppl out there think that other ppl's exists to fulfill only their needs. which is a rather stupid tot. why would anybody want to do that?

i want my own business. the have business one has to sell. so, i joined the sales line. it baffles me, how individuals deemed smart (now, deemed only intelligent - and they are different!) by most other ppl, are in fact, soooooooooo stooooooooooooooopid!!!

low price, yet benefits in kind, good product, excellent service. non-profit organization isit? u do ler, so smart. u can get everything provided there is a margin to feed the b-i-k, the cost of the product, the cost of labour, the holding costs, and cost of running around, the cost of feeding everybody (yes, it's an industry practice), etc etc... yet when there is a new product equivalent of a ferrari, they compare the price of that product to another product which is equivalent of a proton saga. then? drive ler proton saga!!! cannot think meh??? stoooooooooooooooooooooooooopid ka?

sigh. ok, i'm done ranting. work goes on.

ideas are not unique

there has been many times when i tot i had a brilliant idea... nobody would have tot of it...

and then, i was proven wrong. the idea was executed, announced, published!!

goes to show, everybody has ideas. what most ppl don't have, is the courage to execute the idea.

faster and faster and faster... what's happening ar?

watched a movie yesterday...a feel good movie :) with my good friends may, hy & de. then at yam cha, i was saying (as i have many times before), how nice it would be if there is no handphone and internet. pace would be so much more enjoyable. don't you think?

the above was a draft posting, which i did not have time to work on. and just the other day, i read in TheStar that one of the writers was given an assignment, that is to switch off her mobile and computer for one week (or was it one month?)... anyway, the result was : pace was slower, there was better quality of life, and the mobile and computer? not really that necessary really!!!!

a normal telephone was adequate, there is just less redundant calls, msg, etc

we should try that! maybe i'll try that!... then I suppose I will have to inform all my clients. hmmm.... wonder if it'll work.