yay! comments! :)

spurred on by a bff... yay! i am superly happy that i have received a comment on my first blog post since... the dawn of iphone (?)

i am actually trying very hard, to think of an entertaining topic for my beloved readers (yes, there is more than one). however, the only topic that keeps coming into my mind is work!! horror of all horrors... i have become a workaholic!!!!!

or have i? (am i in denial or am i just an optimist :))

i am not thinking about doing work. i am just thinking about whether my work means anything. i am not particularly fond of my existing work environment. i am working (very hard actually). but i am being held back by my fellow colleagues. it is an internal war i am fighting. what is at risk? my reputation. my client's happiness (which, by the way, is very important to me).

joining my current company, i felt like i was dropped into the middle of a war zone. i had an AK47 and a M16 in my hands. i then dropped the AK47. a month later, i dropped the M16. i held a parang in my hands. i was accompanied by an aspiring rambo. handcuffed by the artillery people. received 1 swiss knive and 1 torchlight. and told to enter battle.

why am i in this battle? it is actually a suicide mission! why am i not commissioning the next available sampan out of this battlefield?

is it ego? am i concern about people saying that i left because i could not handle the fight?

it is curiousity? am i just curious how far i can go once the booby traps i have painstakingly set are all in place?

is it stupidity? knowing all i know, i decided to stay on and belief that good will prevail?

is it worth it? i don't really know. actually i really don't think so. not that i am going to practise what i have learnt so far in this company. i did learn alot. learnt what not to do when i have a company of my own! not that i need to prove anything to the people out there. which is only necessary if i am planning to work for another company. perhaps it is a need to prove something to myself? nope. pretty sure i am pretty capable by now. then why?

why?

i am back!!

with new insights...

i have gone from big company.... to small company.... to very small company.... now in a medium size company

what is the difference?

big companies have systems, policies and procedures for all activities. they may not be good systems, policies and procedures. but they have them.

big companies tend to hire very ambitious people. these ambitious people tend to be smart in a small picture way. maybe not so smart in a big picture way. and universally selfish. everybody is working towards their own goals, which unfortunately, more likely than not, are not congruent with that of the company.

so, in big companies, you tend to get a lot of very smart people (not necessarily wise people) working very hard to achieve their personal agenda, very often at the company's expense, which I suppose is why companies tend to be in their glory years for limited period of time ie. when it is actually led by the owner(s)/ founder(s) ... and in time, succumb to different management styles which may result in short term and unsustainable results, which serves only to put certain people in the limelight.

enough said...

too busy

dear blog, sorry to have neglected you... however, i have re-entered the rat race. so now, i have more excuses to not do stuff that i should be doing with my life!

how easy it is to say i am too busy... too busy for my family, too busy for my friends, too busy for my tortoises, too busy to start my own business, too busy to invest, too busy to go to gym, too busy to blog, too busy all the time...

i shall resolve to not say that anymore. and proud to have proven it by going to the gym today! AND blogging! wow my first post since.... forever!