last day

after 4.75 years working in one company, contributing (and i am not going to be modest about it) a fair bit to its growth, putting in time and effort, and of course, learning alot (and i am thankful for that) from my ex-bosses... it is time to move on.

to greener pastures? that i am not sure. not sure if it's green. and according to a friend-client, not sure it there is a pasture on the other side of the fence! (so much for encouragement!!)

anyway, it felt very funny yesterday. when leaving the company, i felt so insignificant, so dispensable, so identity-less, so goal-less, so unwanted. despite having contributed (i think) significantly... thank goodness i have good dose of self esteem!! otherwise, i think it is not unlikely to sink into depression!

then i wonder, is that how all retirees feel? after having spoken to one would be retiree, i think it is really not wise to pour heart and soul into a job. why spend your prime earning so much money for other people? (again, the having my own business mantra) why not earn all that for yourself?? i suppose it's the risk-reward factor. whether one is willing to face the uncertainties, etc etc.

i sidetracked. i was saying i spoke to a would be retiree (and i think i should be speaking to more would be retirees to understand this further). and i hear alot of anger, frustration and worse of all, fear.

anger because the person was so committed to the job, contributed so much to the establishment, yet upon retirement the offer to extend on a contract basis was without fair compensation and with additional scope. anger because one has given his all, and yet, in the end, not only was not appreciated, but was to be taken advantage of, when possible!!!

frustration because there is little option out of the problem.

fear because of the uncertainty. uncertainty of what the future holds. where income will come from.

i think many of us do not see this. because we are at our prime. we are at the age where we are made to feel wanted and important. because of the effort and commitment the establishments require of us. and many of us succumb to the game. many fulfill these expectations and some, exceed these expectations. why? because we are trained to. from a very young age, we are trained to seek approval. and that is what we do day in-day out. even when it is clear we are doing a good job, just because our bosses do not seem happy with us, do not credit us, "do not pass the doggy treat", then we doubt ourselves, our ability, and feel sad or disappointed.

i think i should speak to more retirees. might motivate me to do the right thing. no matter how uncertain that might be at this moment. i believe it should result in more certainty in the future.