group A comprised of funny, sociable and seemingly genuinely nice ppl.
group B comprised of funny, genuinely nice and most-of-the-time-cliquish ppl.
group A met group B today. suprisingly, group B fared pretty well. significant effort put in to be friendly. no complaints despite the many things that can be bitched about. not a single comment on group A.
however, group A was sorely disappointing. as there very obvious display of unfriendliness. though, to be fair, not the whole group was at fault. but i suppose being a part of the group, one would generally react in respond to peer pressure! and part of group A very recently was very upset over the fact that certain parties are not genuine nor sincere in friendship. i say, look inward. are you genuine?
i was pretty pissed. and for a very long while, i was wondering if i was being a bitch, unnecessarily. maybe it's age, i thought...maybe even hormornes... over sensitive?... channelling other feelings out in form of anger???
after having given it much tot, i conclude that, no, it's none of the above. i think i just take it very personally when my good friends are not welcomed. if they are not good enough for you, then neither am i...
19 comments:
When there's no chemistry between 2 groups of people.....don't force this 2 groups to mix together....it will only make everyone upset...esp YOURSELF since you take this matter personally...
Never insists when the other party already reject your idea so many times.....
There can be many plausible explanations for it, the timing, the environment whether it's condusive, common point of reference, group's mood at the point in time, etc.
Another most important fact is that though you would want the groups to mingle so that everyone has more friends, the point is that you cannot your friends to be like you. Just like worklife, you may be willing to work 15 hours daily, however, you cannot be expecting your colleague/staff to put in the same working hours like you.
Cheers! If things are meant to be, it would mean to be.
I agree, if its meant to be, then it will, all things at hand, no one can play god in deciding what happens.. Cherrs!! :)
i normally ask myself, what would i have done if i was in their shoes?
regardless of timing, environment and mood, would i have put in a certain amount of effort? no matter how little i feel like doing so?
i suppose i have a certain level of expectations for my friends. and i suppose if they are not as good as i had envisioned them to be, it can be very disappointing. perhaps i need some time to get over the disappointment. perhaps i need to reassess my expectations on this group.
Were they in a sociable environment at that time? Were they like in a pub or a coffee shop?
Also, agree with some of the above comments that not everyone like the people that you like. If it's not meant, do not push it.
Maybe, you should confront the people in Group A regarding their behavior. They could have some logical explanation/reasoning for their action. I've learnt not to prosecute people without a fair trial. Cheers!
I wonder if feelings would be different, if a scenario is being placed to the disappointed and disastrous meeting between group A and group B.
1 driver and 4 passengers of a (6)six-seater taxi had invited a 5th Passenger for rides. After a few fun rides, 5th Passenger had requested that her friend an extra passenger to join the rides, Original Passengers from the taxi had TIME and AGAIN explained to the 5th Passenger that the car is made for six and any more than that would be a compromise of space and comfort to the rest of the passengers, hence they are not agreeable to the idea of AN extra passenger. Nonetheless, 5th Passenger press on and one of the Original Passengers gave in and agreed to the extra passenger for just one ride.
When come to the actual ride, 5th Passenger had brought NOT ONE BUT TWO MORE friends. Nonetheless, the ride went on but with everyone unhappy (the Original Passenger feeling lack of space and comfort and because of their long faces made the TWO extra passengers felt not welcome).
I honestly believe everyone would feel that it is a small mishap but if a fault finding/blameworthy mission is insisted (as per of the original writings), the ONLY 2 persons to be blame would certainly be the one which gave in to accept the idea of ONE extra passenger and the one that brought TWO without consent of others. The rest of the Original Passengers are totally innocent for showing their long faces and in turn the extra two passengers feeling unwelcome.
Having said all that, for those who are at fault should be sincere, honest and responsible to face the facts and not to create different camps and promote hatred among people WHETHER OR NOT THEY ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR FRIENDS. We all have expectation when come to people but have you fulfilled their expectations or just assume that your expectation is more important.
I apologize for compromising everyone's rights of the enjoyment of a good evening fun.
Don't always compare if you are good enough for this or another group of friends.....everyone is equal...that is why you have so many group of friends, and aren't you glad of that? Stop being so childish....
Just to put some closure to this matter, Group A and Group B met for a tennis game.
Group A was playing a quite competitive games for stakes and bragging rights among themselves, and members of Group B, reluctantly invited, came late. When all of Group B arrive, Group A was already in a match mode. Tell me, is Group A suppose to disrupt their game and start making friendly chats to group B? Should they start asking where they came from, where they work, what food they like, which school they came from, etc.... during the game?
By the time group A finished their game, they invited group B comprising of 3 people to play, and a member of the A group that did not play the earlier game join them in the four people capacity game. The rest of the guys in Group A had their rest, chatted among themselves, and not liking to be disturbed during games, respected Group B rights and allowed them to play peacefully without Group A normal nature of interogations and small talks at pubs and cafes with new people.
For that, Group A has been demoted from friendly people to "seemingly
genuine people". Group B on the other hand, "the so called 'victims of the event' are now elevated to "genuinely nice".
However the writer of this blog has said that Group B were "most of the time" cliquish - a true statement, as they made no atempt at striking conversations, looked bored and in their own world at Group A's "party", and only look delighted when other members from their group come.
I say let the cliquish group stay in their group, as within themselves they are happy as it is and need no other circle of friends. Why try to match the groups of people together? Is a suppose to the like the "Royal London Circus" who at your request are suppose to entertain and amuse your group of friends? And when they don't, you cry foul, demand "money back" and write your self centred thoughts into this blog of yours that you invite your friends to read, and putting this dumb comments down so we could see?
You ask people to visit your blog, and prior to this, I respected you as a friend and enjoy your passion to question the world and the things around it....But after reading all this, I think your blog is a pure "bitching site" for you to throw your tantrums and query about things that revolves around you only. I think keeping this blogs and reading it a few years from now, you will realize that you are being immature and that your actions have cause you to lose friends over time......but then you will always have your cliquish friends.....thats what cliquish friends are for, they are like you, they are you, and for that you like them, because you like yourself. Grow up! Group A have different characters in them, and we enjoy the difference- they may be points that we don't really like about them, but then we learn to see the positive points in people, rather that focusing on their weakness....then you will really realize people aren't so bad after all, rather than querying where this friend is good enough for this person, and if they don't, because i am like this person, maybe i'm not good enough of them.
THe world doesn't revolve around YOU. you revolve with it.
Can you hear that tune? That's the world's smallest violin playing for you.... if you can't hear it, its ok....neither can I, we are all the same, trying to fit in and make the best in our lifetime....
Cheers!
i think this is a very small matter, why put it up in your blog in the first place? life is short, you should enjoy and respect the people around you more. both group A (the so called " seemingly nice") and the groupB( the so called "genuinely nice") have their own values.
have a nice weekend..........
I think this blog have created a lot of unnecessary anger, hatred and have diminished any hope of friendship between these 2 groups (or individuals supposedly belonging to these two groups).
After this unfortunate incident, I have totally forgotten (and left behind) all about it, as most general adults would do. I also wished that in the future, under better/different circumstances, we all could get to know each other better. Maybe, even be close friends (who knows?)and play tennis or have a glass of beer together as either individuals or a 'group'. Now, I think it will be very awkward for us to even see each other again, thanks to this blog.
I am also sad that other individuals who were not even a part of this unfortunate incident may have to take sides, or being labeled as Group A or Group B people. You have created unnecessary politics between your friends and I hope that you are proud of it.
If you created this topic to encourage more people to comment on your blog, as you have constantly requested. I hope you are happy and have gotten what you have wished for. But at who's expense? I think you should know.
Young lady, after reading all the comments, I've got one advice. Do not burn the bridge after you have crossed it. Do not make unnecessary enemies. The world is small. You might need them one day.
Also, think of the consequences of your actions before you act. Do not make hasty decisions. It may come back to haunt you one day.
After reading the comments on this blog posting, I don't think the blogger deserves any of the vicious uncouth comments from any parties at all. After all, it's HER blog and she's free to post whatever she wants, even if it's bitchy postings or not.
Even though she may request for friends to visit her blog, ultimately, it's individual's choice to CHOOSE to read her blog and comment on it.
If any party feels unjustly treated by her postings/comment, again, it's personal choice whether to react offensively or defensively or take it all in good stride.
I was one of the ‘reluctantly invited’ players in group B and was undecided if I should contribute my comments cos if both parties starts to send in their thoughts and be defensive of their actions, this will never end and the common friend who is in between will be in a difficult position as she’s friends with both groups A and B. However, after reading some of the comments here, I feel that there is a need to say something about this unfortunate social event that was supposed to be enjoyable turned disastrous….and obviously not enjoyable in the end....
Only after reading one of the comments here, I found out that I or WE were ‘reluctantly invited’. If I knew that earlier, I wouldn’t be there cos hey, why would you go somewhere you’re not really wanted? In case you did invite someone reluctantly, then I think a mature person would at least make some effort to look as if it’s not reluctant. I think this should be a lesson for all of us… don’t invite someone if you’re not sincere cos even if you don’t say it out, your face shows it all.
Here’s what I gotta say to group A…..we didn’t expect red carpet or beating drums to accompany our entrance…neither are we there to be entertained…but a simple hello would not be too much to ask… NO? When the guys were playing, a member of group A whose not playing doesn’t seem interested to continue a conversation initiated by a member of group B. What are you supposed to do when all questions asked ended with a one word answer? When you waved and said hi but you’re totally ignored!!! Is this what we call friendly??? In a situation like this, even a non cliquish person would be reluctant to socialize further if the person they spoke to seemed to ignore their existence. Even if you do not like someone, is it not still possible to be civil to another human being without showing a long face? It just shows some of group A’s members lack of character and is hardly the definition of a ‘friendly’ person as they claim to be.
Of course, there are some members of group A that are friendly… eg. one group A member was quite nice and came over to say hi and introduced himself… so, unfriendly doesn’t apply to the whole group. There are some nice people there I must say. Maybe Mr/ Ms Anonymous No 8 should not accuse others for not attempting to strike conversations when you don’t even know if this person made an effort or not. Why not ask your own group member if they tried to strike a conversation? It’s like the pot calling the kettle black! You are just assuming and based on that assumption, you’re making these accusations. So, you are no different from what you labeled the writer… IMMATURE!
Trying to introduce groups of friends together is not something wrong to do! If not mistaken, some members of group A expressed that they would like to meet more people, so they got what they wanted but of course, not everyone will like your friends – agreed totally. But at least group B made an effort to make other people feel comfortable when some group A members were invited to a group B’s ‘party’ (for the record, we don’t reluctantly invite people, we invite if we want to and when the new friends arrive and joins in, we don’t show faces, we say hello and at least respond with a smile or a simple hi- basic manners).
Group B people are labeled cliquish but hey, group A practices double standards and biasness and this has blinded them to seeing their own cliquish-ness as well while they crucify others for being cliquish. Btw, group B are genuinely nice and do not need any elevation and we are not competing on who’s more friendly or who is more genuinely nice here. If others can’t see that, it’s just too bad! In a way, I feel sorry things turned out this way cos I’m sure there are good people/ good qualities that we can focus on people in both groups A and B, but seems like these 2 groups of people are just not meant to discover each other. Maybe the chemistry is just not there… so it turned out to be a failed attempt to get to know more people… but so what? Life goes on!
However, I would still like to mention that I appreciate my friend for making an effort in getting all of us to meet more people out of good intentions and I think she was not wrong for having expectations. Think of it this way, if you don’t matter to her… she wouldn’t have expectations from you!
If having a ‘bitching’ blog is what she wanted or how some people would see it makes her happy… then she shall have her bitching blog!
I guess this whole incident is a gentle reminder for us to be grateful that unlike family we can choose our friends and thank goodness for small blessings! Food for thought???
MC & DD
wow... 15 comments! i finally grasp the meaning of controversial. and anoynymous no. 10, no, i am not proud. anoynymous no. 11, yes, i am happy with the response generated.
i am going to explain some things here. not because i feel i should or have to, but because i want to and because there are some ppl included in group A which are great ppl!
group A = 5 ppl, group B = 2 ppl
i believe that at least one of group B knows that the reason why i asked one member of group A to join in the game on that fateful day was because i tot group A plays very well. and they were very kind and patient to have guided me and helped me improve in my game. i tot my friend can experience that form of guidance as well!
the one member of group B was very kind to have agreed (albeit reluctantly) to allow the one member of group A to join that day's game. and yes, the person did say one additional person, for one day.
so yes, i was my fault for insisting. no, i don't believe you were at fault for saying yes, as you probably don't foresee it would be such an issue in the first place.
why did i bring 2 friends then? it was a result of a miscommunication. friend 1 called friend 2 indicating that the person knows about the tennis game that nite. friend 2 thinking that i had invited friend 1 coax friend 1 to come along. by the time i found out, friend 1 was on the way, from a very far place (which explains why the person was late, and i believe this is not the issue as there were people who were late before and there was, obviously, no shortage of players that nite)... since the person has started the journey from the faraway place, i said ok. and i did say i wouldn't play (get out of the "taxi")...
after 4 members of group A has played, i had hoped that some members of group A would be able to play with group B. one of them (a great guy) played for a short while... warm up... subsequently, none of the other members were interested to play (including the one who knows of my initial intention - sigh...)
then one of group A member was told to play with us (group B and myself). Now, this member has met Group B members before. that day played as though there was a gun pointing at the her head!! her face was so long, i could not bear the sight and decided not to play further. note, there were no complains from group B. they played on without a word. it was me. i could not bear the pitiful look.
I also subsequently found out that this person did not respond to initial friendly waves and "hi" from group B member. WHICH may explain the "look of delight" when the other group B member arrive?
here, i think i should also apologise to group B members. there was another gathering where 2 members of group A joined a group of my friends which include group B members. I was led to believe that no efforts were made by group B members to talk to group A members (by one of group A members). So, in conversations, i had implied that only one of my friends were sociable enuf to bother to talk to group A members and had unwittingly accused the others of not being very friendly.
i later found out that efforts to talk to one of group A members were met with one worded replies. so, i am sorry group B, i did not know.
after group B stopped playing, they were practicing against the "wall" next to the court. I believe it is not uncommon that when one practise against the wall, one may lose control of the ball, and sometimes, it may enter the other court. for me, the last straw was when i saw the ball entered the other court. and one member of group A showed a very very long face. which i feel was very uncalled for.
i suppose that seem like a very small thing to have triggered off such level of disappointment. especially when group B members did not even notice it! but i suppose at that moment, it had dawned on me, why i had uneasy feelings all this while. it was at that moment that i saw clearly what had irritated me.
i saw a person who is nice when objectives are met, who turns nasty when he think things promised would not happpen. who thinks that introduction of friends should be done in barter trade manner. who bears grudges after apologies are made. who is petty enuf to not want to forget stuff that happens perhaps in the first meeting, for which explanations were given, apologies made.
and this perhaps is your idea of appreciating different values in people???? and perhaps this is your idea of focussing on the positive and not the weaknesses??????
be honest with yourself, at least. like i said earlier, look inward. evaluate carefully. tell me again what you think. tell me again you believe in what you commented.
i don't think i have created camps amongst my friends. i think they can judge who they can attempt to befriend and who they would write off. i don't believe it would be a problem should members of group B meet certain members of group A. (and oh yea, thank you also the person who came up, say hi and introduced himself to one of the members of group B).
i have never before brought a friend out expecting him/ her to be "entertained" by my other friends. if you know me well enuf, if you have followed me out before, you would know, i expect them to adjust and blend in by themselves. but i believe a simply "hi" is not too much to expect. and of course, attempts at conversation should never be squashed by one worded answers.
again, i would stress that i would never ever impose my opinion on another person. i have never encouraged any friends to ever take sides. if i do not like a person, it is between me and that person. nobody else.
i know my friends are able to judge for themselves. and i think if they wish, certain members of group A and group B would still be able to be friends, play tennis, drink beer and yea, maybe even be close friends. unless pride and ego gets in the way. and unless there are ppl interested only in proving me wrong.
i had also decided not to join group A for their recent activities. not to prove a point, but to not ruin the fun for the group as i am not one to pretend to look happy when i am not. nor am i one who would pretend to be friendly when i am not. i do hope one day, i would be able to continue my friendship with members of group A who are ready to be friends again.
to the extension of group A who tot she was the source of my disappointment, i am sorry. but i was considering very carefully whether i have a basis to be upset. and very unfortunately, i concluded that i do have a basis shortly after you arrived. it has nothing to do with u!!! *muacks*
As a regular reader of this blogsite, I'm just too amused by all comments so far. Good job guys, you've definitely made my Sunday afternoon a blast from its mundane routine!
Oh, btw, group A & B sucks! GO GROUP C!!!!!
PS: This sounds like a good drama script. I've booked patent rights on it ya!
Ok! If you wanna get personal, lets be personal! I think after this comment, you would have guessed who is this.
Firstly, I was on the way out getting the new balls when 1 member of Group B was coming in. I even said 'Hi, ______!' to her when we passed each other. When we got the balls, I was rushing to my bag to get my gears. Yes, she did come and talk to me, and I appreciated that. However, my other buddy was already on court awaiting for me. By being considerate to my buddy and respecting the purpose of we being there in the first place, I quickly answered her questions and rushed off to the court. Was thinking of talking to her only after the game or something. Tell me, am I suppose to chat with her for half an hour and keep my friend waiting? Maybe, you all would but not me! I remembered someone left after 15 minutes of the game and never came back, not long ago. I'm passionate about the game and RESPECT my friends totally.
Also, I do not have anything against your friends. If I do, I would not even bother to go to PD. As said, only a very small handful of people there made me feel welcome there. Did I ever complaint? Did I ever bitch? After which, I even thank you for inviting me and said that I had a good time.
Tell me the truth, which of your other friends ever bitch about me.
Don't create stories to justify your ridicules actions and don't find a scape goat to put your sh*t upon. If you friends have a mind set about me and being paranoid, so be it.
Again, to the other members of Group B, I do not have anything against you all personally. I might feel disappointed that so many people came and I get to play less (I wasn't informed of your presence earlier) but I never meant any disrespect. We may not be the best of friends but I'm matured enough to look the other away.
The author have also stated that since so many of her friends came, she opted not to play. If we were to left her there, I bet she'll bitch about us not being considerate as well.
And yes, we were 'reluctantly' invited you all. We have mentioned to the author of this blog repeatedly the reasons but I guess she's just not bright enough to understand. We hope she can understand the 'car' reasoning now. We did not know that we have to provide childish examples for her to understand.
If the author want to target me, please be more precise on the incident on that night.
We don't have to like EVERYBODY. Haven't you guys ever heard of group dynamics?
Be the bigger person, things are not always about you!
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