chivalry

chivalry... is dead (well, pretty close to being dead)

on the morning of 10th of July 2009, there was an event in a hospital in the sub-suburban-countryside kinda place.

i was dubbed into buying breakfast (there can be no event if there is no food), by my not-exactly-mensa-material-principal whose name i shall endeavor not to reveal.

so there i was, carrying a couple of bags of food and drinks, when one of the lab staff walked past. he said "wah! banyaknya benda" (wah! so many things) without any intention what so ever to help. "untuk mana tu?" (for which place - as he has to determine if he will have a share)

i tot chivalry is dead.

then i went downstairs again to help my colleage carry some boxes upstairs. i walked up to the lab and was confronted with a closed door. out of nowhere a voice said "need some help?" and he promptly took some boxes from me and opened the door. thank u to dr k. that was the upside of the day... knowing that such people do exist in malaysia - the country trying to appear progressive, but with degenerating values and definitely less than third world attitude.

to prove a point

in my previous jobs, i liked the nature of the job. i just don't feel it is worthwhile slogging my life away, working late, working weekends, working the prime years away.

then, inspired by a friend's dad who said "getting vss was the best thing that has ever happened.... and wished it happened earlier".... i thought, that's true! why work for another person when you are at your prime? when you are most energetic? when you have the drive? when you are testing your limits?

also, i like the idea of growing a business. having ideas implemented and seeing how those ideas make magic. growing from a sole proprietor to a conglomerate! (yea yea, big dreams....i know, but one can dream...)

so i found out, that growing from small business to big business is not easy. may not always be a good idea. one thing is for sure. if you wanna grow, you have got to grow it fast! can't stay medium for too long. why? because there are people who would like to work for small companies. then there are people who like to work for big companies. there are people who like to work for medium size, fast growing companies. but there are none who like to work in medium size companies which are planning to stay medium forever (unless you are the boss, coz then you have no choice!).

it's all exciting, growing... making more money. but is it yours? well, you are paid to do the work. yes, but one can work only within working hours. one do not have to go that extra mile. why go that extra mile? one can do whatever one is expected to do. why do all the extra?

for the excitement of seeing this endeavor grow. because it is not your nature to sit tight and do just "what's necessary"?

but at certain points, it doesn't look like it's going to happen. everything seems stagnant. push on? but is it worth the effort? no doubt on ability to do it. (so "modest".... sigh)

maybe it's time to move on. to just earn more money. rather than grow something.

if i wanna grow something, maybe i'll just try planting another cactus. this time, give less tlc. promise not to water it to death. maybe i'll get a cactus farm! recreate a desert landscape!!! (yea yea, big dreams....i know, but one can dream...)

or maybe i'll take advise. start small. make sure it's doable. start with a taugeh farm?


see? not fickle. just analytical.

fickle

fickle minded, am i?

i suppose i am in some situations, like what to eat?? mainly because i am not particular and would like to ensure it is something other people in my company would also enjoy.

in other situations, it is merely because i verbally express my thoughts as i make my decisions. i suppose then i would seem fickle, as we all would go through the pros and cons of all options before deciding on one.

then again, i would like to ask, do you always know what you want?

also most times, decision is easier said than done, made than executed.... sigh*

rat race.... let's take another look

a few years back, i was running up the many flights of stairs, together with many others, up a building where we have all heard of cheeseland...

at every level there is an exit... to the unknown. and one day, i decided to have a peek.

well, it has been four and a half years since that peek. i have learnt alot from all that has happened. no regrets whatsoever.

however, i have also learnt why so many run up the stairs. it is for the certainty. the certainty that you are going somewhere. as oppose to being in one place for a long long time. with no certainty that we would get anywhere. even if there is no doubt on capability. limited by current "dimensions".

so, let's relook at climbing those stairs. looking for ladders. looking at options.

if i were a boy...

it's funny how... (actually not very funny how... )

a guy is opinionated/firm, and a girl is bitchy/ stubborn

a guy is hardworking, and a girl "must be sleeping with the boss"

a guy is aggressive, and a girl is bitchy (again)

and it's sad how this perspective is perpetuated by mostly women, and some men.


how shallow, narrow minded, petty and insecure is that?

is it meant to be?

hmm... what should i have for dinner tonight? .... maybe fishball noodles. i drove there, and behold!! a parking spot right in front of the shop!! i am meant to be eating fishball noodles tonight!!

have you heard of stories where people who are not very ambitious and not very smart make it good in life. and the story was, they were lucky! somebody approached them, they happen to be at the right place, at the right time!

the chinese also have a saying.. if it's yours, it'll be yours... if it's not yours, it will never be yours...

what do you think? is it true? if it is full of obstacles, then maybe it's not meant to be? that things should never be that difficult? that if it is difficult, then maybe it's not meant to be?

if something is meant to happen, does it mean everything will just fall into place?

if it's not meant to be, and you fight for it, will it succeed for a short while, then fall apart again because it was not meant to be?

is this considered as leading you to the answer? :) ... ok, i shall stop leading you. what do you think? is there such thing as fate and is it pointless to fight it? ... that's leading again!!

do you believe that somethings are meant to be, and some things are not?

have we forgotten again?

have we forgotten (again)? the people who fought for us? our rights? our country? the people who fought for transparency? for fairness? the people who wants the country to heal and be the competitive, progressive country it can be if not for mismanagement?

where are they? they are behind bars... suffering... forgotten...

who would fight for us again? if we forget so easily, the people who are brave enough to come forth with the truth...

why are we not asking the right questions? sometimes, it takes a little bit of pressure from everybody to make things work. do we not owe these people that (at least)?


just ask one question : "what happened to him? the one who fought? why is he behind bars whilst the crooks run free?"



our apathy is sickening.