empty

it's a holiday today. feels like a sunday... woke up super early for tennis. did some work. and then did nothing for the rest of the day. that's half a day of doing nothing! read a chick lit... which is really like doing nothing...

doing nothing for half a day have a really weird impact. not that i have not felt it before... (re: symtomatic relieft only...) ie. i felt like a piece of chinese taufoo...again...

boredom sets in. i guess when schedule is tight and you are running around, it sort of keeps everything together. keeps one sane. like everything is running on auto pilot. there is just so much to do and so little time to think. i suppose doing nothing just allow too much thinking time. and somehow, thinking magnifies emptiness. if one is feeling empty at the moment.

empty is like when u are doing truckload of things and yet, you feel like nothing is really happening. it's when u feel like it doesn't really matter whether you exist... and that whatever you have done is not going to have a real impact on anything or anybody.

i guess readers, if there are any out there, would be wondering why the postings seem to gloomy lately. i have no idea. maybe i'm just in a mood to be sad. i suppose to fully enjoy the sadness, one has to feel empty as well. what is sadness without emptiness?

somebody has once commented that i seem to have alot of energy. always wanting to do more than time would allow. always interested in too many things at the same time. i don't think i have a lot of energy. but it sometimes really feel like i just want to spend every last drop of energy doing something with every second i've got. maybe it's not a good idea. it might be good to just chill and reflect and feel sad sometimes. it's kinda alien... but it's a human thing to do.