everybody judges

i had thought i was judgy. i was listening to some very candid comments from a group of friends. and i realized that everybody judges. just that some are more vocal than others. it seems everybody also think they are right. only there is no right or wrong. it is right from the person's perspective. it is right based on the person's experience.

for example... someone older, who has children of their own would be able to relate better to a parent. and would advise others to spend time with their parents. 

somebody younger, with no children of their own, who has a parent who sacrificed their dreams for the sake of the family (and made sure the family is aware of their sacrifices) may prefer to strive hard for their own career. 

a man with his own family would be more protective of his father.

a woman may be able to empathize better with her mother. 

and of course, whoever agrees with you is smart! ><

Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zone

Check this out on Netflix. A must-watch!

a docu-series on how to live well. very insightful. very interesting. especially since i have been told by some goldies that they would like to do more, but they now lack energy... or are short of breath... or have pains in their knees... you get the picture.

which leads to the next question. when do we stop working? do we stop working? should we stop working? is working and enjoying life mutually exclusive? what does it mean to enjoy life?

i only know of one person who has retired early. in his forties. and apparently he is enjoying himself. playing golf. keeping healthy. stress free. spending time with family and friends. i suppose enjoying life would be different for everybody. but doing what you love, keeping healthy and stress free, spending time with family and friends sounds about right way to go about it? 

i suppose i can survey goldies to find out if they would have managed retirement any differently? planned better? got into less debt? buy less? buy more? retired earlier? travelled more? travelled less? it would be interesting to find out. 

i would be considered goldies to the younger people. what can i share? what have i learnt so far? if there is ever a time you are concerned about what other people may think. don't. people think about you far far less than you can imagine. the best way to convey this message so far, was to ask - have you attended a wedding before? did you believe you have to dress very well for the wedding? when you see photos of the said wedding, who do you normally look for in the picture? (the answer, if one is honest, would be myself) and then perhaps you would look for the person that you have an interest in, and maybe you would look for the bride and bridegroom. everybody would have done the same. so, if you have a wedding to attend, don't be too worried about the dress you are wearing, how you look. create the memories you want with the people you are with. enjoy the wedding. don't worry about what everybody else thinks. tell yourself, whether you like me or not, is mind over matter - i don't mind and you don't matter. because the right people will like you for you. this is not saying go to the wedding in your pjs, but it is not the end of the world if people are seeing you in the same dress that you wore to the event you attended last year. (edit: based on my bestie's input - what if wearing a different dress makes you superbly happy? then by all means, get the dress! coz then you are doing it for you!)

applicable for a whole lot of other things in life. 

and oh, EVERYTHING is temporary. so, try not to fret. things will blow over. and everything will somehow be alright again. it may not be the same. but it would be alright.

when you are falling... dive

was the very interesting answer on Quora by one Antti Vanhanen. The question was what is a way we can always get what we desire?

first, know that dreams and desires are limitless and cannot be defeated.

however, we have been conditioned to think happiness comes from fulfilling dreams and desires. essentially putting ourselves in a position to never find happiness.

the key is, to learn to desire what we already have.

easier said than done. we have been taught that the above would be what losers would say. we have been taught to have more would be great. that is because if desire does not exist, then how would those who have, have more?

so, to learn, lean in. when you are falling... dive. turn whatever misfortune is happening into a voluntary act. instead of resisting, embrace. want it to happen(!). lean in to pain, suffering, discomfort, confusion, lack.

tell me, do you then feel the truth in the answer? please share as i am not sure i will have the courage to dive!

how hv you been babes?

is a really tough question to answer...

do i bore you with the many things i have to whine about? like how i try to treat my parents well and they are making it really difficult. like how the person i had wanted to build a business for (and hopefully with) turns out to be.... difficult to look up to. like how i am considering starting a business of my own, but am totally freaked out about the amount of work it would take to make it happen. like how maxis home broadband sucks and how it is challenging to switch to another provider in this day and age in a "developing country" (how many years have we been "developing" already?) 

or do i go the usual - everything is great, how are you doing? - inauthentic, deflecting strategy that is totally non value adding? 

i suppose it all boils down to interest. am i interested to build a relationship with a person? because it take time. it takes effort. and because through the many many years i have been here and through the many many relationships i have been through, i have learnt that many turn out to be not what i expected. then again, that sounds like attachment... i should go in without expectations. that way, i don't get disappointed. perhaps it would make me naturally less judgy? just do me and let them be them? but then again, once a person is invested, has an interest in another, care for another... there is this crazy tendency to have expectations - how they should behave to you, how they should be for their own sake (as in how we know better than them what is good for them > <)

i suppose this board meeting in my head is not going to go anywhere. let's conclude and say, just get in there. be me. let them to them. advise if asked. otherwise learn to listen. focus on creation. focus on moving forward. 

let it be.

my beautiful wonderful crazy girlfriends

it has been 5 years since we last saw each other. and how our topics of interest has changed! so i decided to document this catch up session to see how we have changed come the next catch up...

since we last met, j and cy has given birth to babies, m has gotten married and all 5 of us has survived a pandemic.

as usual, we caught up with each other's lives. what has happened since we last met?

oohh! you are wearing glasses! yes, how all of a sudden, i could not focus on nearby object! sigh, a bane of aging.

how we met cy last week and how yl and cy missed each other by a week! how m missed cy coz she was in lombok. looking across to mount rinjani.

that i am still more into geriatric social media (ie facebook) vs the more current social media (ie. tik tok)

then yl's very fat looking cat which is in fact, just 3kg. A super fluffy cat. and of course yl's girls. 3 gorgeous girls all a little more grown up. and how her hubby actually has hair (nope, he is not bald!)

in the middle of all that talking, the cocktails were topped up and yl would of course need water. sparking the reminiscence of how my mom has always said that i should drink more water like yl does *eye roll

updates on our family.

sleep - the importance of sleep.

i suppose from all our chats this time around, i learnt that it is important to be grateful for what we have. so, practice gratitude. yes, i might need glasses, but i still have my eyesight! 

i got to know m a little better and i realized that we are all alot more similar than we think.

finally, what we resist do persist. i suppose resistance is from a place of fear. we don't like it because we see it in ourselves. we might be trying really hard not to be. but at the same time, some things are in the subconscious. i suppose not fearing it makes sense. because fearing it would mean, we are thinking of it. creating something else to take its place might work better...

Looking forward to the next meet up with my beautiful wonderful crazy girlfriends~

i need more I in my DISC

yesterday was interesting. i witness, first hand, how somebody who is trying to make it work motivated another person to want to work on something together. not saying no, saying how can we make it work. to build something with this person. this person was a DI (in DISC).

then another person comes along. was very honest and factual. totally demolished the motivation. the person was basically saying "you are already lucky", "you have enough for your necessities" and "you will not be getting more". there goes the motivation to truly build anything. this person was a CD (in DISC).

i am a CD... i need to get some I in me.

to crypto or not to crypto - part 3

so now we have a crypto saga... some dude who owns one of the largest crypto exchanges turns out to be a fraud. so here we have the 2008 crisis once again. it is the equivalent of having one of the most established investment banks collapse. not saying that this exchange is a gazillion years old. just saying that it is one of the significant players in the infrastructure for crypto currencies. 

does that mean crypto currency would lose value? 

well... to answer that question, you have to ask yourself, do we still require an alternative to fiat currencies?

in 2008, the fact that an investment bank collapse does not mean property is a bad asset class. it means the people who give out loans for properties should be selective. loans should be given out to people who are able to repay. it means that banker should not sell the risky loans to retirement funds by getting the rating agencies to say they are non risky loans. it means that government should not have bailed bad investment banks for making bad decisions without stating the clear criteria for bail out - ie they should not pay themselves shitload of money for f*cking up.

so, today, the fact that a fraudster caused the exchange to collapse does not mean all crypto currencies are worthless. it means (hopefully), that once the root cause of the collapse has been identified, that it would be prevented from happening again. it means (hopefully), that the other affected exchanges, if they survive, would have controls in place to prevent the same from happening again. it means (hopefully) that the worthless coins that may not be able to hold its worth would go away... at least for awhile.

but i suppose that is just history repeating itself. it always start off with the right intention. somebody want to enable something wonderful. then greed kicks in. someone figured out how to work the system. gets everybody into trouble. people wake up and learn from the mess. comes up with controls. it is peaceful for awhile and then greed kicks in again. and history repeats itself in different forms. nothing new really.