i need more I in my DISC

yesterday was interesting. i witness, first hand, how somebody who is trying to make it work motivated another person to want to work on something together. not saying no, saying how can we make it work. to build something with this person. this person was a DI (in DISC).

then another person comes along. was very honest and factual. totally demolished the motivation. the person was basically saying "you are already lucky", "you have enough for your necessities" and "you will not be getting more". there goes the motivation to truly build anything. this person was a CD (in DISC).

i am a CD... i need to get some I in me.

same same

when everything that is inconsequential is stripped away. when nobody wears a masks. when people are being honest.

we will find that we are all the same. we have the same wants. same fears. same impulses.

just different extent.

we are so same, it is crazy.

and when we finally realize it, there is a little bit of freedom in that.

control

this group of amazing people were having a healthy debate on a topic very important to many. simply because topic pertains to freedom to many people. freedom is multi faceted. free from slaving away for something that is of perceived value. free from perceived incompetency. free from perception of other groups of people. 

and out comes a comment that mongers fear. 

sad to say, the country where i am from, the people have been trained to fear. not to talk about "sensitive" topics. why? 

again, control. government control when the people are ignorant. not talking means not understanding. not understanding allows control.

fear, ignorance, not understanding... breeds groups of people who are craves stability, who think themselves not good enough without protection, who are divided and therefore, can be conquered.

after all, if one do not need stability, one might want change. if one do not require protection, what is the role of those who "govern"? if people are not divided, how do you control?

see herd mentality - August 2022

coffee, not the cups

just saw this in facebook. tot i will share. don't know the origin.

life is like a cup of coffee - author unknown

a group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. conversations soon turn into complaints about stress in work and life. offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal - some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite.

he told his guests to help themselves to the coffee. after everyone had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said

"if you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. while it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of all your problems and stress.

be assured that the cups add no quality to the coffee. in most cases, it is just more expensive, and in some cases, even hides what we drink. what all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup. but you consciously went for the best cups... and then you begin eyeing each other's cups to see who had the best one.

now consider this... life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. they are just tools to hold and contain life. and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live. sometimes, but concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee.

savor the coffee, not the cups!

the happiest people don't have the best of everything. they just make the best of everything".

- live simply (how ar??) -

- speak kindly -

- care deeply -

- love generously -

poor little rich

i was just told that it is apparently accepted by the ones married long enough, and have seen enough.... that you have two choices :

1) poor and he loves you

2) rich and he fools around

then tell me, should all girls not go for rich men while they are young and desirable?

should they choose one poor, and nurture him till he is rich... only to find him in someone else's arms? and then you are suppose to accept it?!!

i think not.

unconditional love, is there such a thing?

i suppose a mother's love is unconditional. no matter what the circumstances are, the mother will love the child (barring the exception where mothers love themselves more)...



how about pets? i used to know of a dog which would do anything for M&Ms... which is why i "used to"... M&Ms are not good for a dog's health... that dog's love was not unconditional... it was food based.



how about children's love for their parents? I think the love is stronger the other way round (parents' love for children are stronger than children's love for their parents). it's true until they grow up and become parents themselves. then children appreciate their parents more!



friend's love? if you think about it, it's not really unconditional. there was a story, prologue section of the "the al-chemist" (if i remember correctly, though not word for word) which was about a beautiful boy who looked at himself in the lake every day, admiring himself. when he died, the lake wept salty tears. when it was asked why it loved the beutiful boy, the lake replied "beautiful?"... it did on cry for the beautiful boy, but it cried because it thought somebody who thought it was a wonderful lake has passed on...


i think most would like people who brings the best out of ourselves. those who sees the good side of ourselves. i suppose it brings out more of the good side... ?

how to run the race

i have learnt

1 that nobody really wants the truth. most wants to hear the good stuff.

2 to appear positive is a big plus... whether you are or are not really positive...

3 to gain people to your side is easy. just look for their achievements, no matter how small, no matter how inconsequential, no matter how much they were suppose to have achieved that in the first place, and rain praise! (which is why most people find it acceptable to be doing only 40% of what they are suppose to be doing... since expectations are so low)

4 to gain credit for other people's ideas, just listen hard, paraphrase and say the same thing to as many different people as possible and the idea becomes yours.

5 just ask questions. look at the situation and question. no need to follow up. no need to do any real work. just ask as though you are going to do something about it. in meetings of course. that is when you are being watched!

6 say what other people want to hear

7 forward other people's worksheets so people think you did work

8 follow policies quietly and religiously as the management would have thought long and hard before deciding on them and we should trust management (even when they come out with very "interesting" policies after having thought long and hard..??!!! $%#$@#$)

9 work only when the work brings you visibility

10 delegate the rest of the work


any other tips for all those running the race?

yay! comments! :)

spurred on by a bff... yay! i am superly happy that i have received a comment on my first blog post since... the dawn of iphone (?)

i am actually trying very hard, to think of an entertaining topic for my beloved readers (yes, there is more than one). however, the only topic that keeps coming into my mind is work!! horror of all horrors... i have become a workaholic!!!!!

or have i? (am i in denial or am i just an optimist :))

i am not thinking about doing work. i am just thinking about whether my work means anything. i am not particularly fond of my existing work environment. i am working (very hard actually). but i am being held back by my fellow colleagues. it is an internal war i am fighting. what is at risk? my reputation. my client's happiness (which, by the way, is very important to me).

joining my current company, i felt like i was dropped into the middle of a war zone. i had an AK47 and a M16 in my hands. i then dropped the AK47. a month later, i dropped the M16. i held a parang in my hands. i was accompanied by an aspiring rambo. handcuffed by the artillery people. received 1 swiss knive and 1 torchlight. and told to enter battle.

why am i in this battle? it is actually a suicide mission! why am i not commissioning the next available sampan out of this battlefield?

is it ego? am i concern about people saying that i left because i could not handle the fight?

it is curiousity? am i just curious how far i can go once the booby traps i have painstakingly set are all in place?

is it stupidity? knowing all i know, i decided to stay on and belief that good will prevail?

is it worth it? i don't really know. actually i really don't think so. not that i am going to practise what i have learnt so far in this company. i did learn alot. learnt what not to do when i have a company of my own! not that i need to prove anything to the people out there. which is only necessary if i am planning to work for another company. perhaps it is a need to prove something to myself? nope. pretty sure i am pretty capable by now. then why?

why?

i am back!!

with new insights...

i have gone from big company.... to small company.... to very small company.... now in a medium size company

what is the difference?

big companies have systems, policies and procedures for all activities. they may not be good systems, policies and procedures. but they have them.

big companies tend to hire very ambitious people. these ambitious people tend to be smart in a small picture way. maybe not so smart in a big picture way. and universally selfish. everybody is working towards their own goals, which unfortunately, more likely than not, are not congruent with that of the company.

so, in big companies, you tend to get a lot of very smart people (not necessarily wise people) working very hard to achieve their personal agenda, very often at the company's expense, which I suppose is why companies tend to be in their glory years for limited period of time ie. when it is actually led by the owner(s)/ founder(s) ... and in time, succumb to different management styles which may result in short term and unsustainable results, which serves only to put certain people in the limelight.

enough said...

last day

after 4.75 years working in one company, contributing (and i am not going to be modest about it) a fair bit to its growth, putting in time and effort, and of course, learning alot (and i am thankful for that) from my ex-bosses... it is time to move on.

to greener pastures? that i am not sure. not sure if it's green. and according to a friend-client, not sure it there is a pasture on the other side of the fence! (so much for encouragement!!)

anyway, it felt very funny yesterday. when leaving the company, i felt so insignificant, so dispensable, so identity-less, so goal-less, so unwanted. despite having contributed (i think) significantly... thank goodness i have good dose of self esteem!! otherwise, i think it is not unlikely to sink into depression!

then i wonder, is that how all retirees feel? after having spoken to one would be retiree, i think it is really not wise to pour heart and soul into a job. why spend your prime earning so much money for other people? (again, the having my own business mantra) why not earn all that for yourself?? i suppose it's the risk-reward factor. whether one is willing to face the uncertainties, etc etc.

i sidetracked. i was saying i spoke to a would be retiree (and i think i should be speaking to more would be retirees to understand this further). and i hear alot of anger, frustration and worse of all, fear.

anger because the person was so committed to the job, contributed so much to the establishment, yet upon retirement the offer to extend on a contract basis was without fair compensation and with additional scope. anger because one has given his all, and yet, in the end, not only was not appreciated, but was to be taken advantage of, when possible!!!

frustration because there is little option out of the problem.

fear because of the uncertainty. uncertainty of what the future holds. where income will come from.

i think many of us do not see this. because we are at our prime. we are at the age where we are made to feel wanted and important. because of the effort and commitment the establishments require of us. and many of us succumb to the game. many fulfill these expectations and some, exceed these expectations. why? because we are trained to. from a very young age, we are trained to seek approval. and that is what we do day in-day out. even when it is clear we are doing a good job, just because our bosses do not seem happy with us, do not credit us, "do not pass the doggy treat", then we doubt ourselves, our ability, and feel sad or disappointed.

i think i should speak to more retirees. might motivate me to do the right thing. no matter how uncertain that might be at this moment. i believe it should result in more certainty in the future.

rat race.... let's take another look

a few years back, i was running up the many flights of stairs, together with many others, up a building where we have all heard of cheeseland...

at every level there is an exit... to the unknown. and one day, i decided to have a peek.

well, it has been four and a half years since that peek. i have learnt alot from all that has happened. no regrets whatsoever.

however, i have also learnt why so many run up the stairs. it is for the certainty. the certainty that you are going somewhere. as oppose to being in one place for a long long time. with no certainty that we would get anywhere. even if there is no doubt on capability. limited by current "dimensions".

so, let's relook at climbing those stairs. looking for ladders. looking at options.

marriage...

how is it like?

to be married?

for the unmarried, how do you envision it to be? married life?




a good guy friend said " erm, less hair, more tummy, milk stained shirt...."!!

"oh, i've always been a homely guy. but must keep somtime open for friends la. kenot 100% family, wife and kids. no friend kenot la."

do u think u'll laugh more? do u think u'll be more lovey? how do u think it'll be diff?

"dunno leh. depends on the kid's character. I might enjoy father hood, or i may become a grouch. who knows. kids can be devil incarnate if they want to."

what if no kids? will u think about adopting?

"if no kids, then it's wife and me. i suppose we'll need to keep spicing things up. must have personal interests and common interests loh. i'm not sure if i'm the adopting kind. i'd rather settle for a dog."

will there be ill feelings? if no kids? blame each other kinda thing? u think?

"can't blame God's will. but can try to get professional help. who knows, maybe been doing it wrong, rite?!"




another victim of my interrogation said...

"no, i wont stay at home more."

but got kids? then how? babysitter?

"yup.....that's the trend now"

so not much diff from if single?

"even u r married with kids....i believe u need a life of ur own as well

more lovey dovey? still like dating? do u think u'll need more space instead??

"nope.....worse, if have kids ur love will be devoted to the kids oredi. no more between u n ur partner... a couple definitely need private space besides kids

so u'll set aside time to be just u and him?

"if not the relationship gets distance"

if no babies how? will u adopt?

"no... basically....kids will eventually come useful...in long term... no dogs too (if no babies)"

useful???

"as company.. also entertainment at times!! hahahaahhaha"

ic ic :)




a married friend said...

"apple and durian"

???more interesting? more secure? what talking u?

"mmphh... none of the above. I mean cannot compare single life with married life... it's like apple and durian. Apple is single life. it's predictable. sweet on outside and sometimes inside. if sour inside... from outside cannot tell. will still look sweet. as for durian, it's thorny... but harmless. it's tough when you see it. once you open it.. it's where you enjoy it. but marriage... everyday you have to open the durian."

???

"and have to touch a few thorns... then only enjoy the fruit. everyday there will be challenges. thorns are challenges. especially when you have kids. cause it's no longer about you. it's always about the daughters, when they are sick, the visiting in laws, own parents.... etc. different career path. no time for each other. different priorities. different way of bringing up kids...etc... but once you overcome that... you get to taste the durian. but you can't taste the durian without hurting yourself before opening the durian...got it?"

i think so... no more time for u and partner?

"oh yes... definitely no more time... if you make time for your partner.. you will feel guilty"

wouldn't it be like a business liao? friends would have time for each other... then if friends get together and do business together, they probably have less time to do stuff like before... but both will be working towards a business objective, but doing different roles or handling different projects... but not as fun as when they were just going for mamaks??

"mmphhh.. yes, if you put it that way. cause once you 'entered' the business, you have no choice but to make it right... it comes naturally to make it right... the expense of each other. it's like... this time I sacrifice.. the next will be your turn"




actual is different from how it is envisioned to be? looks like getting married is like setting up a business... partnership. employees are the kids. which you have to invest in. it seems that husband and wife will work on different roles, quite independently... to achieve financial goals?? (in asia, it seems like that is the main goal)...

your tots?

sometimes it's just better to let it burn...

girls have a tendency to hold on... to the littlest grain of hope... to the smallest possibility. the "maybe... just maybe"s ... but i think it's true that when one door closes. another opens. the thing with most girls is that two doors can't really be open at the same time (most of the times anyway). and it is so super easy to give an illussion of that grain of hope. so gullible. sigh.

so sometimes, it's just better to let it burn...

stronger sentiments

looks like sentiments are getting stronger... what do you ppl say? are these accusations true?? (i mean is it possible?? all these happening right before our eyes all these years and we did nothing???) any personal experiences to confirm the following?


got the following via email...

In 2004, Morgan Stanley issued a report that estimated that over 100 Billion US Dollars (360 Billion Ringgit) had been lost to Malay patronage in the 20 years preceding 2003. (1984 to 2003) One
economist estimates that in the 36 years of its' existence, the NEP has been used to channel over ONE TRILLION RINGGIT to the Malay community through ASN, ASB and other related Govt policies.

Since 1970, the Govt has used the NEP to divert education, employment and every other conceivable benefit to the Malays. These measures have largely been successful with all the top posts in GLCs, Government, Universities, Public listed companies and practically every single
area that the Govt has any control over being reserved for one race. No company may be listed with a lower than 30% Bumi equity but there is absolutely no problem if it is otherwise. Some industries have a mandatory 51% Bumi ownership and some industries are reserved exclusively for them. Petronas for example only employs Malays for it's top managerial and executive positions and awards contracts only to Malays.

ALL Govt and Municipal contracts are reserved to class "F" Bumi contractors. All the proposed projects under the 9th Malaysia Plan thus far are reserved for 100% Bumi owned companies. Even open tender projects are awarded to Malays even if their prices are higher with blatantly inferior materials. Micro business loans, business licenses, discounts on property purchases, new Govt employment, EVEN LICENSES FOR HAWKER STALLS are reserved for one race. The list goes on and on but the summary is that the Malays now believes undoubtedly that he is racially privileged and it is their right ASLI's figures of 45% are opposed to the Govt's 18.9% because, firstly, equity value is
calculated at par value. For example, if you hold 1,000 Maxis shares of RM 5/- market value each, the Govt says that it is only worth RM 250.00 as these shares have a par value of 25 cents each. If you owned a company with a paid up value of RM 2/- but conducted business worth millions of Ringgit worth of transactions, the Govt values that company at RM 2/-.

The chief setbacks of the abuses of the NEP are rampant corruption and cronyism, worsening racial polarization, unrelenting brain drains, warped educational system, thwarted economic competitiveness, ineffectual bureaucracy, retarded economic growth and perverted social values. Such anachronistic and regressive policy has no place in the present globalizing world, and for that matter, in any civilized society.

PM Badawi recently intensified the imprint of the perverted NEP philosophy by prohibiting inter-religious and inter-racial discourse which would otherwise have contributed to greater understanding and harmony among the races. Consider the hegemony this has created……..

The Jasin MP's saga of cheating millions from Customs over timber imports went unpunished. APs are reserved for Bumis only and despite the millions that each of them make year after year, a senator's son has the audacity to clone the APs several times and the whole thing gets swept under the carpet. A Port Klang councilor buys a 43,000 sq ft plot of land set aside for low cost housing valued at 1.8 million Ringgit for 180k and builds a palace without any approval. He gets fined RM 5,000 and still has 30 days from today to submit his building plans. Yesterday, despite all the bad press this issue got, the Selangor state Govt confirms his position and that of his son and daughter in law as councilors. The message is clear. Power has shifted from the people to the executive.

The whole issue of Bumi chauvinism started at last year's UMNO assembly when the very very vocal UMNO Youth leaders stated in short that "It's our turn to be rich." This greed is not going to end. We as a nation of loyal citizens have to put a dent into this rubbish for the sake of our children.

We don't need a change in Govt. We need a stronger opposition. We need to send a message to the powers that be that we will not accept second class status for our children.

(name removed)

nothing's forever

i was watching an interesting movie. the last 15 minutes of it anyways... and it was about first love. boy and girl was probably 12/ 13.

the mom told the boy that...maybe somethings are not meant to last forever. it'a like writings in the sky. all that for those few beautiful moments.

the boy asked the dad... why don't love last forever? dad says... long long time ago, dad and mom used to be in love. really in love with each other. as time goes by, there were things left unsaid. and over time, these things accumulate. and it came to a point where, they didn't know what to say to each other anymore.

i suppose everybody would be guilty of that. there are times when one keep quiet just to avoid conflict/ argument. but these things you so wanted to say, never really go away. it is just kept in you.

spring clean time? isn't it true that if two ppl are in love, there should not be anything that one would be afraid to say to the other?

it's 3 am

... and i am sitting in front of my laptop, thinking of something worthy to blog about. but nothing comes to mind. so, i suppose it'll be another crapping post. where i just type whatever comes to mind. and i guess the first thing that appeared was "did i take any of my very good friends for granted recently?"

dictionary.com : "take for granted" = to use, accept, or treat in a careless or indifferent manner

not suprisingly, the answer is yes! unfortunately, i think i did. treat in a careless manner. but what goes around comes around. so, yea, retribution!

anyways, the question is... why does it happen? why do we take ppl for granted? i suppose the most common victims are family members. because they can't not be family members anymore? but that is not true. divorce. disown. death?.

second in the list is probably very good friends. the ones whom you know you can count on. the ones who will never let you down. i guess in a way these friends have been able to provide a sense of security? like they will never ever leave? like they will be just a phone call away. any time, any day. these are the ones who will drop everything and come to your rescue when you are in dire straits. they are also the ones who really like to see you. really enjoy your company. really appreciate your friendship. and these are the ones treated carelessly??? gosh. will not let that happen.

third in the list, i guess, will be people who you think like you?! i suppose if they like you, they tend to tolerate a whole lot of shit? but they can change. they can don't like you. it's totally possible.

isn't it ironic how sometimes, we spend a lot of time on things we know we think are important. and by the time we realise those things are not important, and how little time we spend on things that really matter, we lose those things that really matter.

are u a registered voter?

Can check mar... at :

http://daftarj.spr.gov.my/daftarbi.asp


If need to change details, can go post opis. If need to register, also go to post opis.

p/s: info courtesy of my ever informative friend, hy.

illusion....

sometimes don't you wonder if the "opposition" we have is real? or is it all an illusion engineered by the ruling to give a false sense of democracy? think about it... how many ppl in their right mind would say the things said by our very entertaining opposition???

an interesting concept. maybe i should hire somebody really terrible to work in the company i work in. a nightmare of an employee. then by contrast, my boss should think i'm a super duper employee worth every effort to retain!!!

hhmm... makes me wonder how often is this concept used...

a whole new perspective...

a was bitching about how racial discrimination in the country is getting worse and how one race's apathetic nature contributes to the situation, etc etc... when a very wise friend gave me a whole new perspective...

1. may 13 was engineered by a few people to enable the implementation of policies to close the wealth gap

2. only selected group really benefit from the scheme

3. may 13's purpose was also to create fear... to make it a "sensitive" issue... so that no one talks about it... no one understands it.... and so, nobody can do anything about it

4. the idea that one race was making all the money was planted into the another race's mind... the idea that the latter race is benefiting from the policies implemented is planted into the former race's mind... but look at rural areas... is the latter race really benefiting?
if the plan is not working after so many years, why isn't it abolished yet? is a balance ever going to be achieved?

5. if it's not abolished and if the balance is not achieved after so many years... why not? if the plan is good does that not mean implementation is not done well? who is accountable? why isn't the person held responsible? should another person maybe be elected to make it happen? why not change leadership then?


what say you? make sense? isn't it interesting? a whole new perspective~

i guess sometimes, we can't look at the things certain parties want us to look at. look beyond. at the big picture. all are being manipulated for the benefit of a selected few.

love me friendsssssssssss!!!

wow... i have the most superb friends ever. and it looks like other ppl have superb friends too.

i have been getting many interesting comments since the "controversial" posting involving team A/ team B. there are many postings from many anoynymouses who claims to be unrelated to team A/ team B/ and me!

however, from their comments, it seems like they are just protective friends of the one of the many teams. which is great. i am happy for these ppl who have such loyal friends. even if the way their loyalty is expressed leaves much to be desired. ie. by provoking my friends and trying to provoke me. but i am glad to note my friends have managed excellently!!! (lots of muacks!)

i must say, firstly, that i alot of comments are valid to a certain extent. different ppl have different comments because of their different experiences in life. conclusion no 1 : you ppl are not arguing! just commenting of different aspects of the same thing.

the only reason why it sounds like an argument is because a person is singled out, the their earlier posting is misintepreted (intentionally or otherwise, i have no idea).

for example, the one who singled out mf's comments. she was just saying that she can tell who are her real friends when she was through a period of time in her life when things were not easy. and mr anonymous comes up with come examples of what he thinks would have to be done to be regarded as a real friend. those examples might seem cynical. but they might be what he has experienced. don't buy, no friend.

but mr anonymous must also realise that there are many ways to be supportive, other than the monetary way. listening to the person sales pitch, providing feedback, generally being supportive when most ppl are turning away, are some of the stuff a friend can do to help another friend. so, mf and mr anonymous are not disagreeing. just different views of the same thing.

and jaimie's posting. she's a lovely, soft, and very protective friend. (in case you have not noted, being protective is a very motherly thing). but somemore mr anonymouses (i think there are more than one there) decide to select certain lines in her comments to misinterprete rather than see the true message being delivered. she was stating the fact that i felt my friends were not treated nicely and that she was proud to have me as a friend (and the feeling is mutual darling!!)

how did all those other comments come about (not that i am not happy to get that many comments!! :)) is just because i have new readers (yay!!!) which are from a different background, different upbringing, different ways of showing loyalty, different ways of interpreting stuff written. which is fine.

i am proud of how all my lovely friends have managed. how they have managed to remained calm and collected even when being provoked. how they have commented in as civil a way as possible, at the same time remaining fiercely protective and loyal! mf, km&jc, yean, jaimie, cell, love u ppl!!