i need more I in my DISC

yesterday was interesting. i witness, first hand, how somebody who is trying to make it work motivated another person to want to work on something together. not saying no, saying how can we make it work. to build something with this person. this person was a DI (in DISC).

then another person comes along. was very honest and factual. totally demolished the motivation. the person was basically saying "you are already lucky", "you have enough for your necessities" and "you will not be getting more". there goes the motivation to truly build anything. this person was a CD (in DISC).

i am a CD... i need to get some I in me.

Love this flash mob

 

epiphany

we have all heard that we need to let people be. we cannot control everything. we create our world. 

guess what? all true.

as i mulled over why this person would allow herself to be emotionally manipulated... expecting a leopard to change his spots. why this man is such a small person, insecure and giant arse-wipe. why this person who can be so loving is such a drama queen and manipulator.... and so on and so forth.

suddenly. why am i allowing myself to be sucked into this? 

because i have been spending quite a bit of time on quora, understanding my mbti personality. i know why. i cannot stand injustice. and this caused me to be inclined to want to right the injustice. which in turn create my world. always fighting somebody who is an arse-wipe because a passive aggressive person is unable to get out of her cycle. 

and there is a solution!

create the world. allow people to be what they want to be. forget control. just create what i want. just be what i want. allow everything else. ha! surrender. i got the sequence wrong. 

mission

i think old people should live better. it seems my life mission will be to enable the elderly to live well... my ideas seems geared in that direction. 

there was the if i am a gazillionaire, i will build a paradise for the elderly... a place just outside the city, by the beach, where the elderly live their golden years in bliss. where they can meet friends, unfriend, date, have sex, break up, get married, get divorced.... have all the drama they had when they were young. where they can find their soul mates, share hobbies, share secrets, share joy, share fears. where they feel independent, cherished, valued and important. 

then there is the super wearable - which would detect if someone has a fall, sends emergency messages to pre-determined emergency contacts, able to share location, automatically connects to an ambulance service which will bring you to the nearest hospital/ nearest hospital of your choice depending on the urgency of the situation, clear your insurance as you are on the way.... apparently this is partially in existence. i suppose creating an eco-system does sound challenging. 

there is the community living - where the beautiful, capable ladies i know do not experience a sense of urgency to get married with an undeserving man just because the rest of her friends have found a partner and because she feels the need to secure her own lifelong companion. which nowadays is not lifelong anyway. because she now has the option to live with a group of friends who will support one another, share resources, cook and share meals, share pools and other common infrastructures, car pool, emotionally support one another as they live like families since families are getting smaller, and smaller.... good news would be apparently the property developers are looking at this direction. 

let's not forget GeriAce - my school for the seniors, set up in abandoned malls that are already equipped with wheelchair ramps and elevators. we can make good use of the buildings which may otherwise be abandoned monstrous eye sores. the seniors can learn how to start gardens or farms, how to use the internet (though I cannot imagine being the instructor), how to dance, arrange group tours, create small businesses and support each other.

my employment also seems to revolved around the elderly - first left atrial appendage, then transcatheter aortic valve implantation....

and most recently, COVID-19 pandemic has given me the opportunity to see how many parents has been living. i want something better for them....

so perhaps i that shall be my life mission~

in the spirit of abundance, i share these ideas and invite the whole world to achieve the same or more!!

so nice

so nice to just read, sleep, play luminex, do ironing, sleep.... whenever..... with no awareness of time....

why am i here?

why? i asked a good friend of mine. i am disgusted by the way people work here. the politics. the nonsense. the fakeness.

and he said, because you wanted to learn their ways.

thank you for the reminder.

for i did. i said i wanted to learn their ways. do i?

and another... canon in d

 

canon - wow...

 

canon in d (classical)

 

canon - still my fav

it's really not that difficult...

i have been speaking to a number of people over the past few weeks. this is because i am suppose to make a decision which would affect me quite significantly over the next two years.

i spoke to one who don't know me well, and don't know the background of the decision i am facing. this person gave examples of how he makes his decisions. which is to increase the probability of success in everything he does. he chooses the path which is most likely to work well. which may or may not be what the person wants to do most... (then again most people don't know what they want to do most!) and which may or may not end up a success.

then i spoke three who seem to have achieved alot for their age. both said they would have chosen money and exposure. one said "life is a journey".... not so much about the destination...

i spoke to one who know me pretty well. he asked if it is aligned to my eventual goals. if not, don't do it! why be distracted (?)...

i spoke to a very good friend who knows me, and who knows the details of the decision to be made. she said she fear for me should i decide to undertake the new journey.

then i went to a new age shop which sells new age book. i saw this book which says fear it, then do it anyway (!)

thanks to this decision, i had possibly the 8th or 9th headache in my life... SIGH... real case of itchy backside, looking for trouble when there were none...

however

the previous post was written in march 2007. now it is sept 2009. i am now working harder. somehow, work always finds me (sigh!)

anyway, i am now a "manager" working like a rep. "manager" is alot of work. so, now i understand why i hear stories of people wanting to stay as a rep. plus, there is always a feeling of being undervalued, taken for granted, etc...

i am no closer to owning my own business. which is of nobody's fault other than my own. as always, procrastination gets me nowhere.


so now, i am again, contemplating....

stumbled upon a draft!

i was just scrolling through the files in my external hdd, when i stumbled upon a draft posting for my blog.... so, here goes....

i was sitting down with some ex-colleagues many moons back… and conversation, inevitably, revolved around work. How the too-stupid-to-live clients could not provide the much needed information on time; how bosses couldn’t have been more demanding; how subordinates should never have applied for the job; how interpretation of the latest standard is such a bitch; how life will equal work for the next century or so…

and I thought to myself, how lucky I am to have moved out of the industry.

Sure, I can’t bitch about work like before (I suppose bitching about work and a lot of other people give one a sense of superiority and it might even feel like the job is so tough it provides job satisfaction!!)… not to mention not being able to climb the so ever glamourous corporate ladder; wear that office suit which lends an air of importance (really??!) - when we are really just feeling poor due to the super low pay and exploited due to the super long hours…

but now, I get to see the sun, I have time to meet up with friends at decent hours, I’m not always the last one to appear at a gathering, i have time for gym, for tennis, I’m more patient with my family members, I have time to read, I can just lie around and do nothing on a Sunday morning…

bliss… :)

let’s think about job prospects, higher pay, respect and recognition … another day. After all, I didn’t want a job where people will think “wah… so smart”… I wanted a job where people will think “lucky bitch… so much time for all that… no need to work ka???”, alternatively, “wah… so much marni one… somemore no need to work like dog”…

not quite there yet… but feels like I’m on the right track…

p/s : some people out there might not agree… well, that’s too bad. Live with it!

to prove a point

in my previous jobs, i liked the nature of the job. i just don't feel it is worthwhile slogging my life away, working late, working weekends, working the prime years away.

then, inspired by a friend's dad who said "getting vss was the best thing that has ever happened.... and wished it happened earlier".... i thought, that's true! why work for another person when you are at your prime? when you are most energetic? when you have the drive? when you are testing your limits?

also, i like the idea of growing a business. having ideas implemented and seeing how those ideas make magic. growing from a sole proprietor to a conglomerate! (yea yea, big dreams....i know, but one can dream...)

so i found out, that growing from small business to big business is not easy. may not always be a good idea. one thing is for sure. if you wanna grow, you have got to grow it fast! can't stay medium for too long. why? because there are people who would like to work for small companies. then there are people who like to work for big companies. there are people who like to work for medium size, fast growing companies. but there are none who like to work in medium size companies which are planning to stay medium forever (unless you are the boss, coz then you have no choice!).

it's all exciting, growing... making more money. but is it yours? well, you are paid to do the work. yes, but one can work only within working hours. one do not have to go that extra mile. why go that extra mile? one can do whatever one is expected to do. why do all the extra?

for the excitement of seeing this endeavor grow. because it is not your nature to sit tight and do just "what's necessary"?

but at certain points, it doesn't look like it's going to happen. everything seems stagnant. push on? but is it worth the effort? no doubt on ability to do it. (so "modest".... sigh)

maybe it's time to move on. to just earn more money. rather than grow something.

if i wanna grow something, maybe i'll just try planting another cactus. this time, give less tlc. promise not to water it to death. maybe i'll get a cactus farm! recreate a desert landscape!!! (yea yea, big dreams....i know, but one can dream...)

or maybe i'll take advise. start small. make sure it's doable. start with a taugeh farm?


see? not fickle. just analytical.

life's like a box of popcorn in the cinema

in the dark, you wouldn't know if you are getting an exciting, brown, caramelly, crunchy one... or a plain white, not even buttered, so don't mention the caramel, fluffy airy bit.

life is such. one minute boring. the next, unpredictable but interesting.i suppose it's good that there are suprises from time to time. otherwise, i would have sprout mushrooms or start rotting. maybe even sprout a rafflesia. which by the way, takes 2 months to bloom. then die in a day. and it only stinks when it's dying.

i guess i should stop whining about being bored. that would probably bore ppl to death. and friends are not obligated to entertain me. though it would be nice if they do...

so now, i'll whine about how spontaneity seems to have diminished as age catches up. so it is pretty difficult getting friends to gather for a simple dinner at a moment's notice. a friend said that happens when ppl get hooked up. there is no longer a need to hunt. so there is no longer a need to go out to the field. another friend said that it might be because ppl have been there, done that. nothing is exciting enough to entice one to go out anymore.

i say, it would be nice just to know that we are still capable of going out at a moment's notice. being spontaneous, i think requires effort. sometimes, you might not feel like going through the trouble of picking out a nice outfit, plying on the layers of shu uemura, driving there, parking, smiling, doing the hi-how-are-you-what-do-you-do conversations... but sometimes, these moments are the ones that lead to the caramelly crunchy bits in life. you'll never know when it is coming....

looking for wishes...

boredom has set in... yet again. recurring. chronic. terminal!!!! aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggggghhhh can't see a pattern. nor a trigger. so meaning no hope of cure in sight...


then... friends came in the picture and have prescribed a treatment... and my boredom has been diagnosed to be, apparently, unique!!! now i have been given, what is called, a wish list. i suppose i'll just have to figure out what i want to do before i die..! and in this cute little book, there is a sticker which says..."If in doubt, follow your heart". but i think i have somehow managed to analysed everything to death, and right now seemed a little bit incapable of doing just that.

so, ppl, need your help. if i have ever said i want/ wish for something (material/ otherwise), pls refresh my memory...


p/s: i do remember i wanted a lamborghini.... and a superbike.... and very recently a silvia... lol :)

change

i need a change. in what i don't know. i just know i need a change. i suppose i'll just do what i might not normally do and see what happens from there. yes to whatever i would say no to, and no to whatever i would say yes to. for a week. and see what happens. other than in work, of course. i can't say "no, i won't sell to you" (!!)... lol


why can't i just say i need to get out of comfort zone?


then again, this may be just a phase. due to withdrawal symptoms. M has not been around for 2.5 weeks. and therefore, also missing would be T and D. then again, my bestest hangout buddy is just back from japan. i might get out of this bored-shitless state and not feel like a change afterall. or i might not. or maybe this is all just from an inflated level of cholesterol due to my one week stint in sabah. cholesterol induced change... hmm... or maybe not. why bother to know? i would normally find out. so now, i won't!


i know my friends say i am a little bit rebellious at times. but rebelling against myself??? that's new.


ok. that's enough. i have always bragged that i can sleep anytime. but since i slept at 9pm. and accidentally woke up about an hour back, i don't know if i can sleep. maybe tv would be a good idea. i know M would advocate that.

exciting start

the year started with a bang...

against a table...

on which my laptop was rested...

together with my cup of latte...

so, my laptop drowned. which explains why the blog had nothing new for the past few weeks.

they say with the good, comes the bad. the good side of this?

i was reminded, yet again, the amazing friends i have.

hy who comforted me when i was holding the laptop letting the latte drip... or rather flow out of my laptop... who told me not to turn it on, but to keep it dry and preferably cool place (we didn't want to be growing any type of mushroom)... most importantly, the one who told me it might be possible to save the data from the hopefully protected hardisk.

tf who brought the tiny set of screwdrivers to hy's place, without which my hardisk would not be able to be removed and most importantly, the one who successfully remove the piece of very precious plastic? from the laptop.

mc who provided them with emotional support and entertained hy's parents while they work on my laptop.

where to find????? yep. feeling lucky tho' i now don't have a laptop.

at this moment, i am using a mac, in a printing studio, blogging, while waiting for some name cards, bunting, and CD covers to be printed. tomorrow, it's off to bkk for some hardcore kuli work. then a week and a half later, it's off to dbx for some good old quality time with family.

till i get back.. see u ppl feb 12.

2008

another year has gone by. can't say that any of my 2007 resolutions has been achieved. so, here's another attempt at some of them...

1) to be top financial consultant (translation - sell insurance, funds, will writing, tax planning etc etc. i'll be so good, i might not wanna sell even if you wanna buy!!! KAKAKAKAAKAA)

2) to get 4 paid photo jobs

3) to bE_goTTen (not gonna explain,... but no procreation involved)

4) ski trip! (woohooooooooo....)

childish?

there have been quite a number of comments saying that it's childish to pursue a matter so trivial as a tennis game gone wrong.

maybe it is?

but i suppose trivial to you may not be trivial to me.

AND i personally feel it is a lot less childish when one can express how one feels, talk about it and resolve the issue. would it be a lot better to walk away, feeling bad, keeping it to oneself and pretending like nothing happened?

i suppose childish to you and childish to me is also different.


and alot of ppl have said the matter was pursued, yes, "at whose expense?" i think i have delievered the message, whether it is received in its entirety is beyond my control. i have less friends? more hits! i have discovered that my friends are fiercely protective! :) they are also generally calm and collected and level headed (it shows through the comments written) ... there are ppl out there who are not my friends trying very hard to provoke me and my friends, which then made me very glad i do not know them...

so, i would say "expense"? :)

to all those who had texted and asked if i am ok with all the happenings in the blog... i'm goooooooooodddddddddd :) teng kiu for concern... *muacks*... fine with everything coz i am very sure about what i felt, what was done, who is impt, who is not, who needs to be answered, who can be ignored. and my friends know it too!